Heidi's Note, 2020: Do you know, when I started my Greenhouse and Farm, I really, truly thought that it would be "flexible" and "a great way to have my kids with me while I work." While the first year was tough, her food source was portable (read: me) and she slept beautifully in her mosquito net draped swing, in a pack and play, or in her stroller. Plus, there was nana at the house (the greenhouse was still at my parents' then) and customers were always so understanding. But looking back, it IS funny how many times I told myself, "This is the hardest it will ever be!" (Note: Thank goodness parents lie so easily to themselves or the human race would be finished. "Labour wasn't that bad. I could do it again." "Oh, you'll miss those sleepless nights." "Soon they'll be 18 and moving out for good."). In retrospect, each year has just brought new and different challenges, instead of getting easier. In its newest incarnation, working from home with a 5 year old means guilt. As in, the little turd -- I mean, smart and capable child -- enjoys employing statements like, "Mommy, I missed you ALLLLL day while I was at school and you NEVER EVEN played with me when I came home." to great effect (Sidenote: patently untrue. I lost two games of Go Fish. She cheats.)
March 10, 2017. The Future Farmer is just over 2 years old.
A (non exhaustive) list of decisions made by my toddler this morning between the hours of 7:17am (the time of her waking) and 9:07am (the time that I dropped her off for daycare): -Corn for breakfast. Yes, I want corn. Do not insult me with your oatmeal, fruit or eggs. I. want. corn. -Corn must be served on orange plate with purple fork. No, the purple plate with the orange fork is not acceptable. I don't care if the purple plate is in the dishwasher. -Today's clothing theme is polka dots. No, not matching polka dots. I will need to wear three separate polka dot patterns. -On second thought, make that 2. I will not be wearing an undershirt today. Yes, I am aware that it is the coldest day all week. I will not be wearing an undershirt today, as the polka dots on that particular undershirt offend my most primal sensibilities. -I have an invisible speck of dirt on my hands. I must wash them. Again. By myself. -You may turn the water on for me, mother, but the temperature must neither be cool, nor cold. Warm is also unacceptable. I require temperatures between tepid and lukewarm. -I shall need to watch: 4 minutes and 37 seconds of Paw Patrol, 2 minutes and 15 seconds of Elmo, the opening monologue of Trolls and that obscure internet episode of Max and Ruby where we (FINALLY) meet the parents. And no, you may not reheat the coffee that went cold while you were changing these shows. -We will be playing hide and seek. You must hide in the same place all. eighteen. times. or else I will be upset with you. I will also be hiding in my own same highly visible hiding place, and you will pretend to look everywhere else before you find me. Also, the numbers 4, 7, 8 and 9 do not exist today. I will be counting 1,2,3,5,6,10. Run faster. -In order for you to change my diaper, I will need to be lying on the ground at exactly due North, with my feet exactly 25 cm apart and my chi completely cleansed. No, you cannot help. This is a laborious process and if you attempt to touch me before I am perfectly situated, the process will have to be restarted. -I shall choose which hat you wear in public, mother. Frankly, that plain white warm one is just embarrassing. Oh look! I found this beautiful florescent pink one that you won as a door prize. Now you look smashing. Own it. -I will not be brushing my teeth this morning. I do not care that you do not have a dental plan. Any attempts to "help" me brush my teeth will be met with screaming, kicking, spluttering and clenching and gnashing of said teeth. -As for my hair, see sentence three of the above bullet point. But add that I will also be upending the entire box of hair elastics. -While you are trying to get us dressed and out the door, I will be unable to walk more than 3 steps without stopping directly in front of you and demanding that you pick me up immediately. However, out of the house, in the bitter cold, I shall need to walk on my own, and at the slowest pace possible. I don't know why. It doesn't matter. I've made my decision. -None of the car songs you sing will be correct today. The wheels on the bus -- what am I, two? -You shall receive 3 giant hugs and two lovely kisses with your "I yuv you mommy" while you are dropping me off, because I had a GREAT morning!