Conversations with my daughter (AKA, Why Moms are So Tired).

Heidi's Note: This one is from October 2018, when the Future Farmer was three and a half and going to the washroom without her involved sneaking out of the room like a ninja and sprinting up the stairs as fast as you could -- and her "mommy wants a minute of peace" radar still managed to kick in in under a minute.


1. I don't care that you think the wine tastes "yummy". You can't have it. ......Why not? Because it's MINE. ..........Yes, we are supposed to share most things. But not everything. ...................Because some things aren't for kids.

..........................Because some foods have stuff in them that aren't good for kids, like caffeine or alcohol.

.................................What's caffeine? ..............................................Uhhhhhh ..............................................................You know what. Wine is spicy, and you don't like spicy things. THAT'S why you can't have it. 2. No, monsters don't live in the toilet. ........I don't know why not. ..............Yes, that would be a good place for them to live.

3. That's nice that you "wish" you had a blowup castle. We're not buying one. ......Because we don't have the money. And even if we did, you wouldn't get one, because you don't need one. ..........NO, you really don't NEED a castle. A need is something that we can't live without, like food, or air or a bed to sleep in. ...................Yes, you technically can sleep on the floor, you're right. Yes, you could sleep in the castle. NO, you're still not getting one.

4. Yes, you can pick out your outfit. Sure, wear stripes with stripes with polka dots with flowers. You look smashing. ......No, you can't wear those boots. Why? Because it's 35C out and they are winter boots. .............No, you CAN'T. I'm not a monster, but it's too hot for them. Pick sandals. .........................Yes, I will take off your winter boots. Yes, it is hot. Yes, I brought sandals.

5. No, you may not watch the pooh leave my body. .......Because people like privacy in the bathroom. ................Because they DO! ..... .........

..............Yes, I know you don't. MOST people do.

6. No, I can't get a band-aid out for your hurt feelings. ..... Because I wouldn't know where to put a band-aid for hurt feelings. ..........Yes, I'm sorry I hurt your feelings when I said you were only "free"(read: three), not "free and a half."

8. Yes, when you are "a dult" you can eat fishy crackers for supper if you want. .......Yes, you can stay up all night. But I guarantee you won't want to. ..............Because you'll be tired. Trust me.

9. No, I can't switch the Frozen song for The Lion Queen Song. .....Because I'm washing the dishes. And because you just asked me to change it to Frozen. And I just got back to the dishses. ...........No, I can't change the song to The Lion Queen from Fro - you know what, it's bedtime. .................Because it's late and you're tired. ......................Because it is. ...........................I don't care if you're not tired. I'M tired.

10. I love you too. .....We will talk about what you can have for breakfast in the morning. ...........I said, IN THE MORNING. ....................Fine, you can have dippy eggs. Good night.



Dream bathrooms: clean, white, with a locking door. (Bonus points if they're soundproof).


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